Wolf in sheep's clothing

Recent events and wandering thoughts have led me to, once again, use this blog as the proverbial "ship" navigating through my stream of consciousness. Today's topic of interest deals with a subject matter near and dear to my heart: women. In particular, I desire to spend a little time calling attention to a particular kind of female who embodies a particular kind of personality. Here I'm speaking of females who portray themselves to their male peers as "the cool girl."

The "Cool Girl" thinks of herself as "one of the guys." She prides herself on her ability to blend in with the likes and the ruckus of her male friends. She is quite knowledgeable about sports, cars, and understanding male behavior. She likes to drink beer and feels more comfortable being the only female who hangs out with a group of her male buddies than with her female peers. She is, in short, a wolf in sheep's clothing because at the end of the day, the cool girl's motives are disguised and she masks her real intentions for hanging around a group of men. While she might be a "friend" to some men, she picks and chooses whom to elevate to "more than friends."

Preface

Before beginning this little exposition of mine, allow me to preface my words. The subject matter dealt herein does not and will not apply universally to all females. Therefore, there's really no point in leaving comments attempting to discredit my material on the basis that you (or others) consider yourself to be an exemption to what's being talked about. In other words, your belief about yourself does not necessarily mean that others are also exempted. If the shoe fits, wear it. If the shoe offends, then move along. The internet's a big place.

Identifying The Cool Girl

Cool girls, despite their belief in their personal uniqueness, seem to share common characteristics among one another. It should also be mentioned that "cool girls," upon meeting each other, seem to know about each other's hidden va-genda. (Did you see what I did there? I created a new word from "vagina" and "agenda." Kudos, Richard Jeni.)

• These girls will have a disproportionate number of female to male friends. In fact, they'll almost always have more male friends than female friends. They'll explain this obvious incongruity by saying that they don't like how most other girls are full of drama and are back-stabbing. They'll also say things like, "I've always had more guy friends than girl friends." Oh, and don't forget the classic one liner, "I just get along better with men than with women." [TRANSLATION: I found the perfect way to stand out from the competition.]
• These girls will take on and act out male sports interests. She'll like football, baseball, hockey, or whatever sport that her male "friends" are interested in. She'll even remember statistics, player names, and game rules. She'll even have a favorite team. She'll make it a point to perhaps attend a sporting event and partake in the happenings. But one thing she will not do is attend this sporting event with other women. In fact, when's the last time you've heard of a group of girls gathering at some other girl's house in order to watch sports? Exactly. Now, by contrast, when's the last time you've heard of a group of girls gathering a some guy "friend's" house to watch sports? See my point? [TRANSLATION: All she's doing is plotting future conversational pieces with common interests.]
• These girls will make fun of other girls and will refer to their competition as a stereotype. Because cool girls tend to amplify the differences between themselves and other women (their competition), they'll almost always take the male friend's side when the male friend talks stereo-typically about women. And here's where the cool girl does her learning. While she will claim that she learned a lot from her older brother, she's been learning a lot just listening to what dudes talk about among themselves. She's drinking beer, watching sports, watching male behavior, and she's listening to the nuance details of conversations -- keeping track of slips of the tongue and inferences. 
• Finally, the cool girl always has a plan "B." It is inevitable that a male friend will take an interest in her. If the "wrong" male friend takes an interest in her, she will excuse herself and remind him that they are just friends. But, if her intended target takes an interest in her, then it is easy enough to pass from casual friends to intimate friends. She will always have an alibi prior to her social engagements. All her seduction plans will be well thought out beforehand to account for variance in male behavior. Make no mistake, fellas. You are being watched. You are being judged.

What are you experiences with "Cool Girls" ?

Reflections on a Bar - Part I

Being and becoming social is woven into the fabric of what it means to be human. We were all first brought into existence as a direct consequence of a social interaction, and as a fetus, each of us obtained nourishment as part of the symbiosis within the womb. At birth, we find ourselves surrounded by other people -- doctors and nurses. And if we're lucky enough, we'll go home with our mothers and fathers. From this point forward, we at once influence and are influence by our social environment, including the culture inherited from our parents and the dominant culture of the society at large. At the moment of our death, there are certain methods and rituals that are carried out by the living when it comes to the handling and processing of our bodies. In other words, from the moment of our conception to the moment of our death, we as individuals cannot escape "otherness." In fact, it is difficult to think of an individual without referencing "other people" against which to compare "individuality" in the first place. Said in another manner,  individuals always-already embody some aspect of socialness.

Being at a bar is an awkward experience for me. Always is.

There are several reasons for this. Chief among the reasons is how one's world of "prior socialness" is ignored -- actively so. This appears to be a necessary prerequisite for being at a bar in the first place. In order for people to think of one another as a piece of meat and/or as a source of physical or economic pleasure -- in a process of dehumanization -- they purposely have to ignore the nexus of relationships that the "other" brings with them. (While some at this point might attempt to proclaim that sexual conquest is not at the root of all bar-visiting intentions, I daresay that the person who says this must be in a committed relationship. Or, perhaps they are at the end of a previous relationship.) The man who appears is someone's son, relative, and co-worker. He has his own world of involvements that might include higher education, drug rehabilitation, charitable service work, military experience, or fire fighter training. We cannot "guess" the precise variables in his life, but rest assured, a world of involvements already exists for him.

Similarly, the woman who appears is someone's daughter. Perhaps she's even a mother herself. We cannot be certain. Maybe she comes from a background filled with various frustrations. Or perhaps her upbringing was nice and peaceful and emphasized courtesy and education. Maybe she is an avid reader of J.R.R Tolkien or C.S. Lewis. Maybe she's filled with secrets? No one knows the origin of all her motivations, but rest assured that she brings with her a network of social interactions. This constellation of relationships of hers existed even before the first person laid eyes upon her this evening.

The actual encounter of the "other," however, is different.

No longer does the woman possess a constellation of social interactions; no longer is she a mother, or a daughter. No longer does her world of intentions and dreams matter. She is the incarnation of Eros, lust, and love. She begs for attention with her short skirt. She runs her fingers through her hair -- primping herself -- for ultimate presentation. She laughs loudly and hugs all that approach her. Indeed, she's doing all in her power to flee from the pangs of loneliness -- however, all that men see is easy prey.

Similarly, he begins his chest thumping exercise. He postures and carries himself as if he's all powerful. He acts like an alpha male and shows off his muscles, tattoos, and piercings. This man who is someone's son, someone's father, someone's co-worker is now the ultimate hunter and predator. Selecting him as a mating partner would bring about the healthiest and strongest children. Like the quarterback of a football team, this man is a leader who commands the loyalty and strength of his friends. He dresses flashy to catch your attention. He speaks louder than everyone else to show social dominance.

All of this masquerading seems too fake.

When this man, this woman, enter into my field of perception, I *know* they bring with them a nexus of social relationships. I know that there are several motivations at work for them being here in the first place. I understand their desire for others to be attracted to them. But all of this posturing and false advertising seems to place additional blockades between themselves and other people -- all hindering the process of authenticity and the discovery of the "other."

Many relationships begin just like this.
Many relationships end like this.

If we cannot get in touch with ourselves and articulate the movements of our hearts, souls, and minds, then how can we expect to find repose in this world? Perhaps the problem is me and my preconceptions. I believe that learning about one's self is of utmost importance -- and what meaningful lessons can be drawn from such inauthentic encounters with other people, save the necessity to avoid them and the experience of guilt that happens after them?